I loved reading this. It articulated thoughts on this subject I had jumbled about in my head. A phrase that comes to mind (a crude one albeit) is "they're just jealous". Because seriously, what good does it do to tell someone they're just priveleged without having a conversation on it? It's to shut down the other person so they don't have to think about how "unworthy" they are. But that's also their responsibility, whether given or self-imposed in their life. My parents were either unkind or absent, I did not choose this but it's my responsibility as to how I conduct the rest of my life. If people are taught this, plus reminded they are loveable no matter what, the world would be a very different place.
Loved your piece! Something that I would also say is that while we all enjoy lesser or greater privileges in seen or unseen ways, this is also what enables us to learn from each other and get to know each other on a deeper level. It requires us to empathise with each other and see each other as more than just labels. In an unfair world, human beings who try to bridge these gaps truly shine. And I think your piece is a beautiful example of that!
You managed to put into words so many things that have been floating around in my head but that I’ve never seen articulated so clearly. My grandparents are actually from Canby, so a lot of what you shared about Oregon really hit home for me. I was honestly shocked — but then again, sadly, not really surprised — to be reminded that free Black people have only been legally allowed to live in Oregon for less than 100 years. It’s baffling, and it really puts into perspective how recent so much of this history is, despite how often we treat it like ancient news.
Your reflections on privilege really resonated too. Individually, I see miraculous milestones — people breaking cycles, building love where there was once trauma — but collectively, it does sometimes feel like society is slipping in the opposite direction. Mostly due to people's inability to admit they are privileged. Maybe that's just the pessimist in me talking. Still, like you, I hold tight to my compassion and empathy — ironically, lessons that were taught to me by my White middle-class, now-MAGA parents who raised me in a "Christian" home.
It is hard to see how I ended up where I am. I love my job and my life as a whole, and I got to where I am because of how my parents raised me. Yet, I feel so disconnected from them today.
For context, I am their athiest, unmarried, nearly 30-year-old gay, liberal son who works in tech.
How things have gotten to where they are, I am grateful and sad all at the same time.
It’s complicated, but your essay made me feel less alone in wrestling with all these contradictions.
As I've gotten older, I've also realized that life is pure circumstance - we have no control over the privileges we are or aren't born into. Travel has been one of the most expansive experiences in this regard, but even the ability to travel freely is influenced by privilege.
I grew up with financial privilege but without attuned-parent privilege. My immigrant parents were working relentlessly to give my brother and me the privileges they didn't receive. They worked to survive and ensure we didn't have to do the same one day. While I'm deeply grateful for what they gave us, my inner/healing journey and path with psycho-spiritual work have shown me the greatest gift-privilege-one can give or receive is the unconditional love of attuned parents. The experience of life is drastically different when one believes in their innate worth and goodness, and knows with certainty their needs will be met by people and Life itself.
The financial privilege I received has absolutely enabled me to do and pursue this work, for which I'm deeply grateful to my parents. The fact that I even woke up to embark on this path, whereas my older brother hasn't, is yet another circumstance. So for myself (and anyone who is in a similar position), I consider it a sacred gift.
As a mom battling her own traumas, I really needed to read this from the perspective of a son/daughter. Having recently started therapy, it was eye opening to realize that a lot of people have childhood wounds that dictate their behaviour. Being from an underprivileged minority probably increases the chances of that being true but even those economically better off have their struggles. This takes us to a whole new level of empathy. If we can talk about this more and help other parents break the cycle then we can move outside of victimhood and support our children to spread their wings and uplift each other. Maybe the system can also offer better support that surface level, symptoms and offer healing at the root.
Calling out privilege began as a powerful way to bring someone's attention to the fact that their perspective or opinion didn't take into account that everyone's experience is not like their own; that there were things they were taking for granted based on their own privileged world view which prevented them from accounting for the realities of people who did not possess those same privileges.
It has devolved into a tool used to silence people, and to discredit their successes, or ideas. Overwhelming, I find it's used by people who ironically possess those SAME "privileges"... as if, by calling out someone else, some of your own guilt can be assuaged. You can sleep better at night having proven that you're "one of the good ones" out there fighting the good fight.
As a nation (or maybe as a generation), we've lost the ability to have nuanced conversations and the oversimplification of socalled privilege is a great example. Solid piece.
(Also -- as a mom, it made me cry a little. 🥹 This is exactly how I hope my son feels one day.)
Thank you. I listened to the piece at 2x speed because I only had a few minutes to myself for throwing out the rubbish. But I could probably not have invested my time better than listening to this particular piece. Thank you for writing it. It is so good and so encouraging to someone who is a dad of three amazing sons, in two countries separated by an ocean and by so much more. Love is what matters most. And I am also so grateful for being loved and being able to give love. Because that is also not a given, of course. So thank you. Cheers from Lisbon
I read this twice, which in itself is quite a privileged thing to be able to do - to have the time to do that. I believe 90% of us on this platform, who have the ability and time to write, comment and share are pretty privileged versus large sections of society across the globe. 90% is probably an understatement.
What is important for me is, have you figured out a way to have a positive ROI on your privilege for the world around you? Are you elevating others or taking from others?
Everyone has heard stories of visiting a poor country and been invited in for tea - these hospitable people are giving more to the world than they are taking from it. If you live in the USA and you only invite people in for tea, then I'd suggest you have a poor ROI on your privilege. It seems like you do a lot for the world around you Nathaniel - what more can you do.
I resonate with this. I understand the essential move beyond polarity or comparison as there are always multiple perspectives and truth is layered, similar to how individuals and circumstances are unique even though we all share similar human potential. Context is key, and yes love amplifies and compassion (wisdom + love) is where we're all growing toward with each other as we get off auto pilot! Thank you!
This was beautiful to read, I got teary when you started talking about the love our parents have for us and how the space they create for us can give us this unexplainable but explainable confidence to move around this chaotic uncertain world we live in. So many good points and reminders (thank you!). I truly enjoy reading everything you share, I’m always engaged from beginning to end, the way you display your thoughts into words it’s a craft you are mastering so well! Happy to have come across your channel on YT, which led me to your substack, allowing me to read all the wonderful pieces you create :)
Thank you for sharing this invaluable piece of wisdom and being truthful. As a light skinned Latina, privilege is what I think about often especially in moments like these. I grew up in quite a paradox of two worlds. Two different classes systems and many different cultural upbringings. I find the pros and cons in both. The biggest take away I can take from this is, I can’t wait to have a family of my own to give my children a privilege I never had. The privilege of familial stability, a unit, I believe as a human being this is essential and not everyone can claim that privilege of stability in their family, just their mom and dad cheering them on no matter what. It’s beautiful how your parents have been there for you that is true unconditional love. ❤️
i got really emotional in the part you talk about the privilege of parents who love you deeply and always had your back, because that‘s something i didn‘t get…everyone is on their own journey, on their very unique path of life our soul came here for. It‘s so interessting to feel what it does to me, to be reading this from you acknowledging that this is a privilige you got, i don‘t feel really envious towards you and more of the pain and grief from not having received that love you described.
And for you to talk about this in that way also just helped me to acknowledge my own situation in life and what i am given as resources to deal with what i’m dealing with and to not condemn myself to be „behind in life“ or „not good enough“ „not disciplined enough“ to get my shit together and do well like others do (like how well your expression is and how you share it with the world)…but that i’m actually own my own path with my own obstacles, slowly getting to the place my life unfolds itself into. Thank very much for sharing this 🫶
I am so happy to read this and so very much agree that it was the soul that picked the life, the parents, the situation… thank you so much for sharing Yuri, and I am really glad this could be positive for you instead of creating feelings of envy (which is never my goal)
I've quitted enjoyed your piece. And you're totally right in the fact that yes habing loving and caring parents is a great privilege and helps a ton. However, to try to explain inequalities and sometimes level them we need to be able to mesure them. Perhaps one day we'll be able to mesure the supports parents provides to children and how that helps them in lifes. But it's not currently the case. Futhermore, you cite privilege that aren't police like health. It is actually police (not by people only) but by states around the wolrd and it is being discusses as one privilege. Specially since it's the only category that, if we live long enough, we're sure do become disabled at some point.
I get that you talk from your point of view, and your experience, but a conversation on privilege without talking about system is pointless. People on the internet (me included) talk about the categories you cited, ethinicy, gender, wealth,sexual orientation etc... ,with privilege because they're the most significan in the world we live in. You might have the most perfect parents, but no money life will significanly be harder. No to say that white people's or rich peoples life are perfect, far from it. But it does help and recognising that helps show more empathy to others who are not as fortunate.
English not being my primary language I hope it was not to harsh and intellible.
i agree that the way we measure privilege is broken, but i don't agree with the solution given and here's why: i'm an autistic person, with an autistic son. i give unconditional love to my child, and yet he's still excluded, oppressed and abused by society. in school, by health professionals, extended family, etc... yet, i do my best to protect him (changed schools, homeschooling him, breaking contact with family members, being an activist, etc), but sometimes that's out of my reach, because, as you said: it's built on the system. everywhere we go, there will be people that won't accept us, that will mistreat us, and that will refuse us access to resources. that's what privilege, and lack thereof, is about: access to resources, no matter the kind. a black person won't be less criminalised by receiving more love from their parents, or by learning to be more self-confident. actually, being self-confident will be seen as arrogance, and another tool to use against them. what we need is to change the system, to give voice to minorities and to accommodate them as they ask. to respect others, and don't try to put them into molds. to give everyone the access they need to the resources they're seeking. equality. that's why i am an activist. that's why we all need to be allies of activists, and join their cause. change policies, do our best to understand our own privileges and working towards letting them go. privilege only exists on top of oppression. and we are all responsible for it. we are the system.
I loved reading this. It articulated thoughts on this subject I had jumbled about in my head. A phrase that comes to mind (a crude one albeit) is "they're just jealous". Because seriously, what good does it do to tell someone they're just priveleged without having a conversation on it? It's to shut down the other person so they don't have to think about how "unworthy" they are. But that's also their responsibility, whether given or self-imposed in their life. My parents were either unkind or absent, I did not choose this but it's my responsibility as to how I conduct the rest of my life. If people are taught this, plus reminded they are loveable no matter what, the world would be a very different place.
Loved your piece! Something that I would also say is that while we all enjoy lesser or greater privileges in seen or unseen ways, this is also what enables us to learn from each other and get to know each other on a deeper level. It requires us to empathise with each other and see each other as more than just labels. In an unfair world, human beings who try to bridge these gaps truly shine. And I think your piece is a beautiful example of that!
You managed to put into words so many things that have been floating around in my head but that I’ve never seen articulated so clearly. My grandparents are actually from Canby, so a lot of what you shared about Oregon really hit home for me. I was honestly shocked — but then again, sadly, not really surprised — to be reminded that free Black people have only been legally allowed to live in Oregon for less than 100 years. It’s baffling, and it really puts into perspective how recent so much of this history is, despite how often we treat it like ancient news.
Your reflections on privilege really resonated too. Individually, I see miraculous milestones — people breaking cycles, building love where there was once trauma — but collectively, it does sometimes feel like society is slipping in the opposite direction. Mostly due to people's inability to admit they are privileged. Maybe that's just the pessimist in me talking. Still, like you, I hold tight to my compassion and empathy — ironically, lessons that were taught to me by my White middle-class, now-MAGA parents who raised me in a "Christian" home.
It is hard to see how I ended up where I am. I love my job and my life as a whole, and I got to where I am because of how my parents raised me. Yet, I feel so disconnected from them today.
For context, I am their athiest, unmarried, nearly 30-year-old gay, liberal son who works in tech.
How things have gotten to where they are, I am grateful and sad all at the same time.
It’s complicated, but your essay made me feel less alone in wrestling with all these contradictions.
As I've gotten older, I've also realized that life is pure circumstance - we have no control over the privileges we are or aren't born into. Travel has been one of the most expansive experiences in this regard, but even the ability to travel freely is influenced by privilege.
I grew up with financial privilege but without attuned-parent privilege. My immigrant parents were working relentlessly to give my brother and me the privileges they didn't receive. They worked to survive and ensure we didn't have to do the same one day. While I'm deeply grateful for what they gave us, my inner/healing journey and path with psycho-spiritual work have shown me the greatest gift-privilege-one can give or receive is the unconditional love of attuned parents. The experience of life is drastically different when one believes in their innate worth and goodness, and knows with certainty their needs will be met by people and Life itself.
The financial privilege I received has absolutely enabled me to do and pursue this work, for which I'm deeply grateful to my parents. The fact that I even woke up to embark on this path, whereas my older brother hasn't, is yet another circumstance. So for myself (and anyone who is in a similar position), I consider it a sacred gift.
Thanks for the piece :)
As a mom battling her own traumas, I really needed to read this from the perspective of a son/daughter. Having recently started therapy, it was eye opening to realize that a lot of people have childhood wounds that dictate their behaviour. Being from an underprivileged minority probably increases the chances of that being true but even those economically better off have their struggles. This takes us to a whole new level of empathy. If we can talk about this more and help other parents break the cycle then we can move outside of victimhood and support our children to spread their wings and uplift each other. Maybe the system can also offer better support that surface level, symptoms and offer healing at the root.
Amen to that! It Is so important that a maximum of people get support and information...It saves lives.
Calling out privilege began as a powerful way to bring someone's attention to the fact that their perspective or opinion didn't take into account that everyone's experience is not like their own; that there were things they were taking for granted based on their own privileged world view which prevented them from accounting for the realities of people who did not possess those same privileges.
It has devolved into a tool used to silence people, and to discredit their successes, or ideas. Overwhelming, I find it's used by people who ironically possess those SAME "privileges"... as if, by calling out someone else, some of your own guilt can be assuaged. You can sleep better at night having proven that you're "one of the good ones" out there fighting the good fight.
As a nation (or maybe as a generation), we've lost the ability to have nuanced conversations and the oversimplification of socalled privilege is a great example. Solid piece.
(Also -- as a mom, it made me cry a little. 🥹 This is exactly how I hope my son feels one day.)
Thank you. I listened to the piece at 2x speed because I only had a few minutes to myself for throwing out the rubbish. But I could probably not have invested my time better than listening to this particular piece. Thank you for writing it. It is so good and so encouraging to someone who is a dad of three amazing sons, in two countries separated by an ocean and by so much more. Love is what matters most. And I am also so grateful for being loved and being able to give love. Because that is also not a given, of course. So thank you. Cheers from Lisbon
I read this twice, which in itself is quite a privileged thing to be able to do - to have the time to do that. I believe 90% of us on this platform, who have the ability and time to write, comment and share are pretty privileged versus large sections of society across the globe. 90% is probably an understatement.
What is important for me is, have you figured out a way to have a positive ROI on your privilege for the world around you? Are you elevating others or taking from others?
Everyone has heard stories of visiting a poor country and been invited in for tea - these hospitable people are giving more to the world than they are taking from it. If you live in the USA and you only invite people in for tea, then I'd suggest you have a poor ROI on your privilege. It seems like you do a lot for the world around you Nathaniel - what more can you do.
Beautiful! I think that you hit the nail on the head when you talk about love. It is the one thing that I think can unify us all.
Keep writing and I’m sure you’ll plant seeds that can change the world!
Excellent!!!
I resonate with this. I understand the essential move beyond polarity or comparison as there are always multiple perspectives and truth is layered, similar to how individuals and circumstances are unique even though we all share similar human potential. Context is key, and yes love amplifies and compassion (wisdom + love) is where we're all growing toward with each other as we get off auto pilot! Thank you!
This was beautiful to read, I got teary when you started talking about the love our parents have for us and how the space they create for us can give us this unexplainable but explainable confidence to move around this chaotic uncertain world we live in. So many good points and reminders (thank you!). I truly enjoy reading everything you share, I’m always engaged from beginning to end, the way you display your thoughts into words it’s a craft you are mastering so well! Happy to have come across your channel on YT, which led me to your substack, allowing me to read all the wonderful pieces you create :)
Thank you for sharing this invaluable piece of wisdom and being truthful. As a light skinned Latina, privilege is what I think about often especially in moments like these. I grew up in quite a paradox of two worlds. Two different classes systems and many different cultural upbringings. I find the pros and cons in both. The biggest take away I can take from this is, I can’t wait to have a family of my own to give my children a privilege I never had. The privilege of familial stability, a unit, I believe as a human being this is essential and not everyone can claim that privilege of stability in their family, just their mom and dad cheering them on no matter what. It’s beautiful how your parents have been there for you that is true unconditional love. ❤️
i got really emotional in the part you talk about the privilege of parents who love you deeply and always had your back, because that‘s something i didn‘t get…everyone is on their own journey, on their very unique path of life our soul came here for. It‘s so interessting to feel what it does to me, to be reading this from you acknowledging that this is a privilige you got, i don‘t feel really envious towards you and more of the pain and grief from not having received that love you described.
And for you to talk about this in that way also just helped me to acknowledge my own situation in life and what i am given as resources to deal with what i’m dealing with and to not condemn myself to be „behind in life“ or „not good enough“ „not disciplined enough“ to get my shit together and do well like others do (like how well your expression is and how you share it with the world)…but that i’m actually own my own path with my own obstacles, slowly getting to the place my life unfolds itself into. Thank very much for sharing this 🫶
I am so happy to read this and so very much agree that it was the soul that picked the life, the parents, the situation… thank you so much for sharing Yuri, and I am really glad this could be positive for you instead of creating feelings of envy (which is never my goal)
Hi,
I've quitted enjoyed your piece. And you're totally right in the fact that yes habing loving and caring parents is a great privilege and helps a ton. However, to try to explain inequalities and sometimes level them we need to be able to mesure them. Perhaps one day we'll be able to mesure the supports parents provides to children and how that helps them in lifes. But it's not currently the case. Futhermore, you cite privilege that aren't police like health. It is actually police (not by people only) but by states around the wolrd and it is being discusses as one privilege. Specially since it's the only category that, if we live long enough, we're sure do become disabled at some point.
I get that you talk from your point of view, and your experience, but a conversation on privilege without talking about system is pointless. People on the internet (me included) talk about the categories you cited, ethinicy, gender, wealth,sexual orientation etc... ,with privilege because they're the most significan in the world we live in. You might have the most perfect parents, but no money life will significanly be harder. No to say that white people's or rich peoples life are perfect, far from it. But it does help and recognising that helps show more empathy to others who are not as fortunate.
English not being my primary language I hope it was not to harsh and intellible.
i agree that the way we measure privilege is broken, but i don't agree with the solution given and here's why: i'm an autistic person, with an autistic son. i give unconditional love to my child, and yet he's still excluded, oppressed and abused by society. in school, by health professionals, extended family, etc... yet, i do my best to protect him (changed schools, homeschooling him, breaking contact with family members, being an activist, etc), but sometimes that's out of my reach, because, as you said: it's built on the system. everywhere we go, there will be people that won't accept us, that will mistreat us, and that will refuse us access to resources. that's what privilege, and lack thereof, is about: access to resources, no matter the kind. a black person won't be less criminalised by receiving more love from their parents, or by learning to be more self-confident. actually, being self-confident will be seen as arrogance, and another tool to use against them. what we need is to change the system, to give voice to minorities and to accommodate them as they ask. to respect others, and don't try to put them into molds. to give everyone the access they need to the resources they're seeking. equality. that's why i am an activist. that's why we all need to be allies of activists, and join their cause. change policies, do our best to understand our own privileges and working towards letting them go. privilege only exists on top of oppression. and we are all responsible for it. we are the system.