Hello Nathan! Loved this post, and I understand you perfectly. Please be honest with what you create, and I'm certain honesty and the works you truly put your heart into will be appreciated the most; not that which where your heart is not inclined to, but created only for the sake of monetary gain.
I've been following you for six years now, and you've been an immense inspiration to me. The twelve-fourteen year old me especially, during the pandemic was greatly moved and helped by your content. Many of your videos, but notably the ones you made in late 2019 and early 2020 are still some of my favorite videos in the entire vastness of the Internet, which I've re-watched dozens of times, and still continue to do so time to time.
This one hits really, really hard for me today, as I feel like I finally came to similar realization just this morning, that I’m being burdened by my body of work, and a time that has simply passed but yet I’ve still been comparing myself to. Perhaps in part because that’s what my YouTube analytics do.
My channel has been declining and “underperforming” for a while now, and I’ve continually been worried that things will never be the same and that “my time has passed”. Each new “10 of 10 worst performing video” seemed to affirm that.
But a couple of days ago, I published a video that I was so, so, so proud of. I poured my entire heart into every little detail. It was my first time finally incorporating all the skills I’ve been learning into a video, designing, illustrating, and animating unique moments through the video, along with sound design. It felt like I delivered a meaningful thought about life, a handful of good vibes, and even a bit of practical information, too. Even the thumbnail, which I’ve historically sucked at, felt like my best work.
I was so elated, proud, and fulfilled when it was done… and yet it’s another 10 of 10 worst performing video, by a big margin, too…
It’s been challenging to deal with, but I realized today that whatever is going on, I’m being burdened by my body of work, the number of subscribers I have, and the way my channel used to perform before everything fell apart years ago. The entire “10 of 10” thing is literally a comparison to videos I made *years ago* in a very different time.
I think until today, I wanted to try and learn from each “failure” and didn’t want to make excuses for myself.
But listening to your thoughts here really helped to reinforce the idea that I think I have to just let go of it all… I need to just be grateful for all the kind and wonderful people who are still watching and supporting me, for which I’m truly insanely fortunate, and I think perhaps I need to just build something new and trust that if I’m finally, finally creating work that I’m so proud of, and that I’m so happy and grow so much from creating, things will work out somehow.
Sorry for the absurdly long comment. If anyone happens to have read this, I’d love to know if it makes sense, or if it just sounds like I’m simply finding ways to justify my failures.
Dude! Love to hear it. You’re not “justifying your failures” because there is no failure to be found. Failure is a judgement. Let things simply be as they are!
Thanks so much dude! That thought about failure being a judgement, and there being none to be found, is a beautiful stamp to put on this little turning point today. These essays and voice notes are always a genuine pleasure to listen to and they always seem to pop up at the perfect time.
Keep up the epic work my friend and I’ll be looking forward to the next monthly meetup! 🔥
Five years ago, I stumbled upon one of your videos on YT. I remember it was about re-invent yourself part 1. After that I got addicted to your philosophical insights. I listened to what you said carefully, I tried to read in between the lines, I took a generous amount of notes which I still go back to this day. Every time I find new ways to look at my problems. I believe this time too you'd share glimpses of the transition you're so eager to go through this year and those are going to be packed with juicy perspectives on life.
I remember a professor once told us a story about a guy that wanted to become a poet. So he went to the best poet in town and asked him "How can I become a great poet like you?". The poet gave him a huge book that contains a 1000 of the best poems, and told him "you need to learn all of these poems by heart, when you do get back to me." A few months later, the guy comes back to the poet and tells him he learned all of the 1000 poems. The poet congratulates him and says: "now to truly become a great poet, you must forget all the poems you learned."
Amazing writing Nathaniel, loved it. And congrats to all PSG fans!!
I once read somewhere that our personalities change in cycles every 7 years. Not sure that's backed by anything scientific but if I think back to the person I was 7 years ago... she was a different human. Still me, but a different prototype. If I was creatively constricted to parameters that she had set out, as right as they may have been at that time, it would feel like a cage. And creative parameters that my 14-years-ago self might have set out would be a straightjacket.
Anyway, part of the fun of following your creative work has been watching you grow and change and philosophize and dive off into whatever new direction life brings. I don't have my own channel but I've been on a similar journey (traveling! nomading! Paris! struggling each time I return to the States...) and your insights often seem to strangely, cosmically mirror my own. So keep going, in whichever crazy direction you feel pulled to create! The narrative arc of all this reinvention will make sense one day—or that's what I keep telling myself about my own life. Our job right now is to live.
If you asked me what I do I have trouble answering that. I'm a process operator, an artist, director of operations for team Canada sr men's football. Tomorrow I could add something else or drop one of those. It throws people off.
Reinvention is scary because as children we're taught to be of singular purpose with the question of what do you want to be when you grow up. (I still haven't figured that out yet)
Life experiences change us and to not acknowledge that causes friction. We can endure for a time but at some point there will be a breaking point. See every person having a midlife crisis. This friction, this crisis, spurs a grand gesture to shake off the friction to feel free of it but that in itself causes friction because its superficial. Fear roots them in a life that doesn't fit but want for change pulls them to opposite end compounding the friction.
You will be fine because you are defining your friction you are honest with yourself about it and the fears that come along with addressing that friction. You cut the tether lashing you down with that truth and allow yourself to redefine how you move forward in this world.
The scariest thing about redefining yourself is that you find out who values you for what you do for them and who values you for you.
In the end that ends up being a good thing really.
I personally don't care what you do. I enjoy reading/listening to your point of view on things. Its well thought out and articulated well. It causes me to ponder and evaluate my own feelings. I value that. It's a true conversation. Something I truly miss that is declining in North American culture.
Also I could write an essay on it but sports isn't about the sport persay it's about community. A place to belong.
It's definitely interesting how these huge events can halt all rules we humans put on ourselves and on top of that, all the emotions make every human interaction soo enthusiastic but more importantly - authentic. It feels like breaking your own rules sometimes can be a good refresher to remind you of your hidden potential and then vast capabilities that lie beyond that :)
I love how you said this Summer is a new opportunity to change your skin. So, so powerful. Never get stuck. Never think you need to chose a lifestyle for the rest of your live. Never try to fit into "life A" or "life B". One can live one after another. Or try one thing, and like it so much that one keeps doing that of the rest of their life. Or not.
Being in my early 20s and having to make so many decisions about where I want to end up (personally and profesionales) everything feels like such a big decision that will determine my future. But, as a middle class west European citizen, I want to keep in mind how privileged I am to me able to switch skin if at some point I need it. Because there are brave people, like you, who have changed skin and now live in a f*cking house in the middle of a French countryside. And that inspires a lot. Thanks always :)
Damn this is what I needed to read, being in the middle of my own creative funk and mental block, also caused by similar reasons to yours. Thank you for this permission to reinvent myself, and validation that I’m not alone.
This is maybe gonna be a long shot...but let's try. Hey Nathan! I've been watching your videos for a while now, and I'd be so so curious to see if you'd be willing to talk about an idea I have for a substack. I think you'll find it interesting...it's all about the concept of realizations and how we can learn from each other through them. Let me know!
Alan Watts said, "You're under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago." Here's to reinvention.
Hello Nathan! Loved this post, and I understand you perfectly. Please be honest with what you create, and I'm certain honesty and the works you truly put your heart into will be appreciated the most; not that which where your heart is not inclined to, but created only for the sake of monetary gain.
I've been following you for six years now, and you've been an immense inspiration to me. The twelve-fourteen year old me especially, during the pandemic was greatly moved and helped by your content. Many of your videos, but notably the ones you made in late 2019 and early 2020 are still some of my favorite videos in the entire vastness of the Internet, which I've re-watched dozens of times, and still continue to do so time to time.
Thank you Syed for your kind words. I am so pleased to hear this!! It means a lot to me.
This one hits really, really hard for me today, as I feel like I finally came to similar realization just this morning, that I’m being burdened by my body of work, and a time that has simply passed but yet I’ve still been comparing myself to. Perhaps in part because that’s what my YouTube analytics do.
My channel has been declining and “underperforming” for a while now, and I’ve continually been worried that things will never be the same and that “my time has passed”. Each new “10 of 10 worst performing video” seemed to affirm that.
But a couple of days ago, I published a video that I was so, so, so proud of. I poured my entire heart into every little detail. It was my first time finally incorporating all the skills I’ve been learning into a video, designing, illustrating, and animating unique moments through the video, along with sound design. It felt like I delivered a meaningful thought about life, a handful of good vibes, and even a bit of practical information, too. Even the thumbnail, which I’ve historically sucked at, felt like my best work.
I was so elated, proud, and fulfilled when it was done… and yet it’s another 10 of 10 worst performing video, by a big margin, too…
It’s been challenging to deal with, but I realized today that whatever is going on, I’m being burdened by my body of work, the number of subscribers I have, and the way my channel used to perform before everything fell apart years ago. The entire “10 of 10” thing is literally a comparison to videos I made *years ago* in a very different time.
I think until today, I wanted to try and learn from each “failure” and didn’t want to make excuses for myself.
But listening to your thoughts here really helped to reinforce the idea that I think I have to just let go of it all… I need to just be grateful for all the kind and wonderful people who are still watching and supporting me, for which I’m truly insanely fortunate, and I think perhaps I need to just build something new and trust that if I’m finally, finally creating work that I’m so proud of, and that I’m so happy and grow so much from creating, things will work out somehow.
Sorry for the absurdly long comment. If anyone happens to have read this, I’d love to know if it makes sense, or if it just sounds like I’m simply finding ways to justify my failures.
Dude! Love to hear it. You’re not “justifying your failures” because there is no failure to be found. Failure is a judgement. Let things simply be as they are!
Thanks so much dude! That thought about failure being a judgement, and there being none to be found, is a beautiful stamp to put on this little turning point today. These essays and voice notes are always a genuine pleasure to listen to and they always seem to pop up at the perfect time.
Keep up the epic work my friend and I’ll be looking forward to the next monthly meetup! 🔥
Five years ago, I stumbled upon one of your videos on YT. I remember it was about re-invent yourself part 1. After that I got addicted to your philosophical insights. I listened to what you said carefully, I tried to read in between the lines, I took a generous amount of notes which I still go back to this day. Every time I find new ways to look at my problems. I believe this time too you'd share glimpses of the transition you're so eager to go through this year and those are going to be packed with juicy perspectives on life.
I remember a professor once told us a story about a guy that wanted to become a poet. So he went to the best poet in town and asked him "How can I become a great poet like you?". The poet gave him a huge book that contains a 1000 of the best poems, and told him "you need to learn all of these poems by heart, when you do get back to me." A few months later, the guy comes back to the poet and tells him he learned all of the 1000 poems. The poet congratulates him and says: "now to truly become a great poet, you must forget all the poems you learned."
Amazing writing Nathaniel, loved it. And congrats to all PSG fans!!
I once read somewhere that our personalities change in cycles every 7 years. Not sure that's backed by anything scientific but if I think back to the person I was 7 years ago... she was a different human. Still me, but a different prototype. If I was creatively constricted to parameters that she had set out, as right as they may have been at that time, it would feel like a cage. And creative parameters that my 14-years-ago self might have set out would be a straightjacket.
Anyway, part of the fun of following your creative work has been watching you grow and change and philosophize and dive off into whatever new direction life brings. I don't have my own channel but I've been on a similar journey (traveling! nomading! Paris! struggling each time I return to the States...) and your insights often seem to strangely, cosmically mirror my own. So keep going, in whichever crazy direction you feel pulled to create! The narrative arc of all this reinvention will make sense one day—or that's what I keep telling myself about my own life. Our job right now is to live.
If you asked me what I do I have trouble answering that. I'm a process operator, an artist, director of operations for team Canada sr men's football. Tomorrow I could add something else or drop one of those. It throws people off.
Reinvention is scary because as children we're taught to be of singular purpose with the question of what do you want to be when you grow up. (I still haven't figured that out yet)
Life experiences change us and to not acknowledge that causes friction. We can endure for a time but at some point there will be a breaking point. See every person having a midlife crisis. This friction, this crisis, spurs a grand gesture to shake off the friction to feel free of it but that in itself causes friction because its superficial. Fear roots them in a life that doesn't fit but want for change pulls them to opposite end compounding the friction.
You will be fine because you are defining your friction you are honest with yourself about it and the fears that come along with addressing that friction. You cut the tether lashing you down with that truth and allow yourself to redefine how you move forward in this world.
The scariest thing about redefining yourself is that you find out who values you for what you do for them and who values you for you.
In the end that ends up being a good thing really.
I personally don't care what you do. I enjoy reading/listening to your point of view on things. Its well thought out and articulated well. It causes me to ponder and evaluate my own feelings. I value that. It's a true conversation. Something I truly miss that is declining in North American culture.
Also I could write an essay on it but sports isn't about the sport persay it's about community. A place to belong.
It's definitely interesting how these huge events can halt all rules we humans put on ourselves and on top of that, all the emotions make every human interaction soo enthusiastic but more importantly - authentic. It feels like breaking your own rules sometimes can be a good refresher to remind you of your hidden potential and then vast capabilities that lie beyond that :)
I very much agree!
First of all those pictures and videos are really fun (I have the same relationship with rugby)!! and second : Mazel tov indeed! Your text is moving.
I love how you said this Summer is a new opportunity to change your skin. So, so powerful. Never get stuck. Never think you need to chose a lifestyle for the rest of your live. Never try to fit into "life A" or "life B". One can live one after another. Or try one thing, and like it so much that one keeps doing that of the rest of their life. Or not.
Being in my early 20s and having to make so many decisions about where I want to end up (personally and profesionales) everything feels like such a big decision that will determine my future. But, as a middle class west European citizen, I want to keep in mind how privileged I am to me able to switch skin if at some point I need it. Because there are brave people, like you, who have changed skin and now live in a f*cking house in the middle of a French countryside. And that inspires a lot. Thanks always :)
Damn this is what I needed to read, being in the middle of my own creative funk and mental block, also caused by similar reasons to yours. Thank you for this permission to reinvent myself, and validation that I’m not alone.
The person who changes the most in a single year or month or day is usually the smartest.
This is maybe gonna be a long shot...but let's try. Hey Nathan! I've been watching your videos for a while now, and I'd be so so curious to see if you'd be willing to talk about an idea I have for a substack. I think you'll find it interesting...it's all about the concept of realizations and how we can learn from each other through them. Let me know!
Loved this post. I quit my very popular Twitter account with its own “identity” which people refer me by and I’m feeling so much better now.
And I’m in Paris for the summer and would love to meet up if you’re up for it!
Hey man, you are a dude with millions of followers in an age when that sort of thing is unprecedented. It’s ok, you’re human.
(Based on what I read of the title)