Isn't it also fascinating how we attach labels to ourselves based on our experiences at certain points in our lives? These labels gradually become part of our identity; yet as time passes, we often forget what those labels truly meant to us or why we believed in them in the first place. We may have changed or transformed ourselves long ago, but forgotten to update our terms :) Since understanding others helps us understand ourselves better, this could be another reason to engage in more meaningful conversations with people.
I have to say, I was interested in the title of this essay AND skeptical of another man telling the world how to have better conversations. But, pleasantly surprised and appreciate the places you landed through this thought-scape. Staying curious is an excellent rule of thumb and I was intrigued with how you explored that thread. This last bit resonated as well, “In fact, it’s fun to try to understand someone, so long as you don’t expect to ever fully get there” - an intriguing perspective shift that makes more space for all of us to be humans growing and changing 👏🏼
This is literally one of the most ideal mediums you could have used for your creative work!!! Love the voiceover as well! And low-key appreciate the small(ish) audience we still have on here, I like gatekeeping stuff I like haha
Also, as always, the topic resonated with me. You realise at some point that keeping a curious outlook on life is universally beneficial on every level in life, so this only makes sense. Keep an open mind y'all!
The best conversations I've had involve trying to get to the 'truth' together and as you said that often involves attempting to understand the other person's view of the situation rather than being defensive about your own.
I'm also guilty of not giving all my attention to hearing the other person and instead formulating my next point. Definitely something to work on.
Gracias por compartir música! Es interesante que intentes entender tu caos interior dibujando y filmando escenarios. Esto lleva esclarecimiento y quita mucha angustia. Y preguntar "que quieres decir?" es un regalo que le haces a la otra persona dándole espacio por expresar exactamente lo que piensa y a veces por entenderse a si mismo un poco mejor al oírse en este momento mismo y a ti mismo por obtener la respuesta que necesitabas de verdad :). A mí me costó tanto tiempo entender esto!! Thanks for the positive vibes!
I agree. Regardless of how well we understand what the other is saying, making the effort is what's important. Nobody will ever fully understand you, especially if you have trouble even putting yourself into words, but if someone is willing to try, then that's a positive sign.
I'm greatly looking forward to reading this piece—as I look forward to reading and watching all of your work—but before I do I wanted to note a typo when I went to sign up for a paid subscription. Your description presently reads:
"For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the persistent feeling that there must be more to life... this newsletter is an active exploration of THOSE THOSE feelings that are hard to describe."
There are two "those" 's. I fully understand I might come across as snobby by writing this comment (and feel free to delete it if you make the typo fix), but hopefully this comes across more like pointing out a piece of food in your friend's teeth. A sign that I care.
Was not at all disappointed. While reading, I had the thought that in addition to the conversation directed at "C", I'm often aiming at an objective that looks something like, "I need to come off as interesting, funny, thoughtful, etc. during this conversation." Like so many things, holding this as an aim makes it exceedingly unlikely that I will in fact achieve that, but more importantly it stifles the sort of richer conversation you write about.
I started to do socratic questioning with tools like ChatGPT and I really love it. It helps me dig down into what and why I believe certain things about myself and the world. I especially challenge assumptions about myself, like you had with the „I am chaotic“.
I really enjoyed this, thank you. I will try and see if it works! It made me think about how much of what we understand or think we understand is based on and limited by what we know and have already experienced. The first time I experienced this was actually in elementary school, and it stayed with me since then. Our art teacher had us analyze a painting before class and asked what we saw and what we thought the meaning was. She asked again at the end of the one-hour class on that same painting, and not only did what we thought the painting was about change radically, but also what we actually saw in it. I found it fascinating as a child, and I'm still fascinated by it as an adult. Thank you for sharing this!
I love this- I think approaching conversations with an attitude of curiosity is the key to fascinating conversations. You can learn something from everyone
i have to say, this is so rationally explained that my brain hurts. I cannot make sense this topic of conversations unless i come inside my body and FEEL into the conversations im having., whatever that means in the moment and with whomever i am connecting. Explaining it logically is such a waste of time because once we learn from the visceral response what the truth is about a specific topic all the judgement is gone with the wind and almost never aligns with the felt truth.
I totally get what you're saying. I also think it's so important to feel things out, but I was also feeling a desire to better understand why some conversations leave me feeling bored/frustrated and others don't. So I followed that feeling and wrote this.
Isn't it also fascinating how we attach labels to ourselves based on our experiences at certain points in our lives? These labels gradually become part of our identity; yet as time passes, we often forget what those labels truly meant to us or why we believed in them in the first place. We may have changed or transformed ourselves long ago, but forgotten to update our terms :) Since understanding others helps us understand ourselves better, this could be another reason to engage in more meaningful conversations with people.
I have to say, I was interested in the title of this essay AND skeptical of another man telling the world how to have better conversations. But, pleasantly surprised and appreciate the places you landed through this thought-scape. Staying curious is an excellent rule of thumb and I was intrigued with how you explored that thread. This last bit resonated as well, “In fact, it’s fun to try to understand someone, so long as you don’t expect to ever fully get there” - an intriguing perspective shift that makes more space for all of us to be humans growing and changing 👏🏼
This is literally one of the most ideal mediums you could have used for your creative work!!! Love the voiceover as well! And low-key appreciate the small(ish) audience we still have on here, I like gatekeeping stuff I like haha
Also, as always, the topic resonated with me. You realise at some point that keeping a curious outlook on life is universally beneficial on every level in life, so this only makes sense. Keep an open mind y'all!
Thank you Ray!
But THIS is precisely why those few friendships where you just understand each other so well are all the more spectacular!
The best conversations I've had involve trying to get to the 'truth' together and as you said that often involves attempting to understand the other person's view of the situation rather than being defensive about your own.
I'm also guilty of not giving all my attention to hearing the other person and instead formulating my next point. Definitely something to work on.
Thanks for sharing your ideas on this.
Gracias por compartir música! Es interesante que intentes entender tu caos interior dibujando y filmando escenarios. Esto lleva esclarecimiento y quita mucha angustia. Y preguntar "que quieres decir?" es un regalo que le haces a la otra persona dándole espacio por expresar exactamente lo que piensa y a veces por entenderse a si mismo un poco mejor al oírse en este momento mismo y a ti mismo por obtener la respuesta que necesitabas de verdad :). A mí me costó tanto tiempo entender esto!! Thanks for the positive vibes!
I agree. Regardless of how well we understand what the other is saying, making the effort is what's important. Nobody will ever fully understand you, especially if you have trouble even putting yourself into words, but if someone is willing to try, then that's a positive sign.
I'm greatly looking forward to reading this piece—as I look forward to reading and watching all of your work—but before I do I wanted to note a typo when I went to sign up for a paid subscription. Your description presently reads:
"For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the persistent feeling that there must be more to life... this newsletter is an active exploration of THOSE THOSE feelings that are hard to describe."
There are two "those" 's. I fully understand I might come across as snobby by writing this comment (and feel free to delete it if you make the typo fix), but hopefully this comes across more like pointing out a piece of food in your friend's teeth. A sign that I care.
Was not at all disappointed. While reading, I had the thought that in addition to the conversation directed at "C", I'm often aiming at an objective that looks something like, "I need to come off as interesting, funny, thoughtful, etc. during this conversation." Like so many things, holding this as an aim makes it exceedingly unlikely that I will in fact achieve that, but more importantly it stifles the sort of richer conversation you write about.
I appreciate you pointing out that typo Ryan! I’ll get it fixed asap
I started to do socratic questioning with tools like ChatGPT and I really love it. It helps me dig down into what and why I believe certain things about myself and the world. I especially challenge assumptions about myself, like you had with the „I am chaotic“.
Nice, yeah this is a way to do it if you prefer to do this on your own.
I really enjoyed this, thank you. I will try and see if it works! It made me think about how much of what we understand or think we understand is based on and limited by what we know and have already experienced. The first time I experienced this was actually in elementary school, and it stayed with me since then. Our art teacher had us analyze a painting before class and asked what we saw and what we thought the meaning was. She asked again at the end of the one-hour class on that same painting, and not only did what we thought the painting was about change radically, but also what we actually saw in it. I found it fascinating as a child, and I'm still fascinated by it as an adult. Thank you for sharing this!
I love this- I think approaching conversations with an attitude of curiosity is the key to fascinating conversations. You can learn something from everyone
I’m also convinced: the weirder, more fearless the conversations, the stronger the friendship haha
Beautiful
i have to say, this is so rationally explained that my brain hurts. I cannot make sense this topic of conversations unless i come inside my body and FEEL into the conversations im having., whatever that means in the moment and with whomever i am connecting. Explaining it logically is such a waste of time because once we learn from the visceral response what the truth is about a specific topic all the judgement is gone with the wind and almost never aligns with the felt truth.
I totally get what you're saying. I also think it's so important to feel things out, but I was also feeling a desire to better understand why some conversations leave me feeling bored/frustrated and others don't. So I followed that feeling and wrote this.